Say My Name
by TellieFan
Summary: After years in captivity, Ryan McNeil returns to the loving arms of one Victoria Newman. RyanVicki.
1. A to E

**Say My Name**

_**A tribute to Ryan and Victoria.**_

**Amazing**

It was amazing to think that one day she had been planning a wedding to Billy Abbott and the very next she was in her soulmate's arms. How it all happened she still couldn't quite understand but she could not have asked for more. Ryan - her Ryan - was back! His death had all been one of Tricia Dennison's mind games. Tricia's father had kept Ryan captive for all these years in London and now Ryan was home in her arms exactly where he had always belonged.

He had shown up at the church during her wedding rehearsal. She had had her back to the aisle and when she heard him say her name, shivers immediately travelled down her spine.

"Vicki."

**No one had ever said her name the way he did.**

She froze in place, unable to move, unable to even breathe, to even turn around. She was obviously having an auditory hallucination of some kind; that had to explain it. But then the gasps and cries of shock had begun and she had turned around and looked at him for the first time in nearly nine years.

"Ryan?"

He nodded. "It's me, Vicki, it's me."

She had broken away from Billy's grasp and ran down the aisle, launching herself into Ryan's arms. He was alive! It was really him. Her Ryan was home!

* * *

**B - Believe**

"Baby, I missed you like you wouldn't believe," he said, coming up behind her and nuzzling her neck as she braced her hands on the kitchen counter. She was trying to make them their first dinner together as a married couple since they never got to do that before he "died" but his kisses and caresses were distracting her from chopping the vegetables. In her mind, they were already married - always had been actually - and she still had the ring he was going to give her all those years ago before he was cruelly stolen away from her for nearly a decade.

She giggled as his teeth nipped her collarbone in just the spot she had always liked. So he remembered that, did he? She wondered if he remembered other things she liked because she knew she could do everything he used to love in the bedroom with her eyes closed and her hands tied behind her back. Which was a scintillating thought...

"I am trying to make us dinner here, Ryan," she said even as she tingled down to the tips of her toes when his hand cupped her left breast through the material of her shirt and he kneaded the little nub there. They hadn't made love since he came back because Victoria had wanted the moment to be just right, just perfect, as their wedding night should and would have been.

"Come on, Vicki, the celery can wait awhile," he said. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hold you like this again."

She felt her resolve weakening but she murmured, "It has to be perfect, Ryan. Everything. Tricia ... she -"

"Don't think about her anymore, okay?" Ryan said, slowly reaching for the knife clenched in her hand and setting it down on the counter before lightly grasping her around her trim waist and spinning her around to face him. "She can't hurt us anymore. She's still locked up. Her dad is dying in agony from cancer in some foreign hospital. They can't ever take me away from you again."

"Ry, I want to believe that..."

"Then do it," he said, running his fingers softly across her jaw line. "Please believe in me, in us."

Tears burned her eyes and she leaned into his embrace. "I do believe in you, I do believe in us. I'm just scared it's all a wonderful dream and I'm going to wake up and you'll be gone again. I wouldn't be able to deal with that."

"Pinch me," he said.

"What?"

"Pinch me so you'll know I'm real."

"Ryan ..."

"Do it, Vicki, please. Trust me, you're not dreaming."

"Aren't I supposed to pinch myself in situations like these?"

"You already know you're real. Now you just have to believe that I am."

Victoria slowly reached out and pinched his arm. He winced and she smiled. "You feel real but just in case ..." She pinched her own thigh and yelped and he couldn't help but laugh. Then he was picking her up and swinging her around as she laughed with him and happy tears streamed down her face. Her lean legs then cinched around his waist. "Make love to me," she murmured. "Right now."

He smiled. "I thought you wanted everything to be 'just right'."

"Ryan, honest to god, anytime I'm in your arms, I feel 'just right' - better than that actually. I always feel like I've come home even though you're the one that actually did."

Ryan kissed her and nodded and then he settled her on the opposite counter and they started up their familiar, erotic dance right there in the kitchen.

* * *

**C – Child**

Ryan and Victoria lay in bed basking in the afterglow of their intense lovemaking. They had been going at it like very horny rabbits for days, trying to make up for lost time. The passion in their coupling never ceased to amaze Victoria and she felt achy all over, in all of the right places.

Ryan propped himself up on his lean elbow and stared at her with sparkling blue eyes. "Think we made a baby just now?" He asked.

She felt a little unintentional gasp escape her lips. "Ryan, you want a baby?" She asked.

"With you? Hell yes. Definitely… Does that really surprise you?" Ryan asked.

She shifted around to face him, lightly brushing her fingers across his smooth, strong jaw line. "No I guess not. It's just things are moving so fast. I want time to enjoy you and just you. Does that make sense?"

"Yes it does. Still I'd love for you to introduce me to your son someday."

"That I can do," Victoria agreed. "You'll love Reed as much as I do!"

"Any child of yours I will love with all my heart," Ryan vowed.

Seeing the sincerity in his beautiful eyes, something shifted inside of Victoria and she reached under the blankets, massaging Ryan's manhood. "Wow, what's that for?" he asked, immediately growing hard.

"I want you to make love to me again. I want you to make a baby with me. Why wait? You're right. We waited too long in the past and I want to make every moment we're together truly count."

"That was a fast turnaround," Ryan said and kissed her lips.

"Haven't you heard that it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind," Victoria said as they began to make love anew.

* * *

**D - Date**

"I want to take you out tonight," Ryan said, come Friday morning, as they woke up in each other's arms, as they always did now.

Victoria smiled. "Like on a date?"

"What else?" Ryan asked as he pressed a butterfly-soft kiss to the bridge of her nose.

"I just am surprised. I am already sleeping with you again …"

"Yeah but maybe I want to take you out on the town and show you off to everyone. I know every guy in town will be incredibly jealous that I snagged you again. Hey if I was them, I would be jealous too."

Victoria smiled and kissed his bare chest. "Alright. It sounds fun. What should I wear?"

"Preferably something that I can easily rip off later," Ryan joked and she hit his chest this time as she giggled.

"You're insatiable."

"Damn right I am. When it comes to you, who wouldn't be?" Ryan said. His eyes shone with true desire for her. "I never loved anyone the way I love you, Vicki."

"Same here," she said. "I could never fully give myself one hundred percent to anyone because there was always such a huge part of me that already belonged to you. I am so happy you're home, Ryan."

"Me too. God me too," he said and then kissed her full on the lips this time.

* * *

**E - Every night**

"I could spend every night just like this," Victoria said as they swayed to music only they could hear. After their date at the GCAC, they had come to the park and were now sequestered in the gazebo together, dancing as lights strung from the rafters played across Ryan's impossibly gorgeous features.

He pulled her tighter to his torso as they danced and whispered in her ear, "I could too." He then pulled back and lightly grazed her right cheek with his nimble fingers. "Why can't we?"

Victoria smiled even as she crinkled her eyebrows in puzzlement. "Why can't we what – dance together every night?"

"That and you know, spend every night together, always. I was waiting until later to ask this but right now … the time feels right so…" He released his grasp on her waist and slid to the ground on one knee, reaching for her hand as he dug a ring box out of the pocket of his trousers. She covered her mouth as tears collected in her eyes.

"Victoria Newman, I want another chance with you. I want to make love all night, all over our dream house that's to come, and in the kitchen and in the living room … And I want to dance with you even when there's no music. And I want to be the father of any more children of yours. I want it all with you and only you. We were cheated out of too many years but now we have what we always should have had back and it's better than ever so be mine - forever, please … What do you say? Will you be my wife – again?"

Victoria wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek. "Ryan, there is nothing more in the world that I could ask for, or want more than to be your wife – again."

Ryan beamed up at her and then slid the ring – a pink diamond – onto her finger. He then got to his feet and kissed her breathless.


	2. F to I

Here's more …

**F – Fate**

"Let me see that ring again," Abby said as she sat with Victoria in the parlor. Victoria held up her hand, waggling her tiny fingers. The pink diamond caught the light and twinkled dazzling, making Victoria feel almost dizzy with happiness.

"It's gorgeous. Would it be weird to ask if I could try it on?" Abby asked. She laughed at Victoria's expression. "Okay, I guess it would be."

"Sorry. It's just I want to keep it close, as a reminder of Ryan, because when he's not here –"

"You worry."

"Yes," Victoria admitted with a long sigh. "I know he's not going anywhere but there's a part of me, that will probably always be scared that Tricia will break out of jail somehow and do her worst - again."

"She won't. Our father has guards watching her around the clock."

"I know…"

Abby looked at the ring once more. "Anyway, how did Dad and Nikki take the news?"

"My mom was happy for me. She said there was always a part of me … You know, that seemed lost after Ryan 'died' and she was glad to see me truly happy again. And Dad… In his mind, anyone – even Ryan who married me as a teen – is better than 'Billy Boy Abbott'." Victoria clasped her hands. "I am so deliriously happy but Billy … Abby, you know him better than I did, probably. Is he too broken-hearted?"

"Do you want the honest answer or the sugar-coated one?"

"Somewhere in between …?" Victoria said. "No, tell it to me straight here."

"He's sad – really sad - but he's trying to be strong. He's not drinking again, as far I know, either… He's accepted the fact that you and Ryan are a packaged deal. He told me that he just wants you to be happy. And you are happy. Anyone with eyes can see that."

Victoria nodded. "I loved Billy; in a way, I always will. He was my second chance, you know, my new beginning. But Ryan … With him, I feel like its fate."

Abby patted Victoria's arm. "That's because it is, Victoria. I just hope one day, I can have that amazing of a relationship with someone."

"You and Carmine …?"

"Old news," Abby said, waving her hand. "I really liked him but he was just so impossible!"

Victoria smirked. "That what keeps things interesting. If you like him, you shouldn't give up on him just yet."

"Oh I get it," Abby said, smirking back. "Now that you're insanely happy and like, starry-eyed, you want everyone else to be too."

Victoria nodded. "I guess, in a way I do. Everyone should have someone who takes their breath away and makes their heart race … That's honestly how Ryan makes me feel – how he's always made me feel."

Abby laughed. "You're turning into an incredible sap."

"I know, it's awful, right?"

"No, not exactly. It's nice to see you happy – truly happy. But you need to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and start planning your wedding. I call dibs on maid of honor!"

* * *

**G – Gorgeous**

"Oh, Victoria, you look so gorgeous," Nikki enthused as she walked into the bridal vestibule at the church.

"White – not too cliché?" Victoria asked, running her hand down the front of her satiny, Forrester Original gown.

"Not at all," Nikki assured her. "How many times have I been wed in white?"

"I think there was also a blue gown and a yellow one even," Victoria teased before becoming somber.

"What's wrong, Vicki? You're not having second thoughts about everything, are you?"

"No, definitely not," Victoria said. "I am just worried, I guess."

Nikki stepped up behind her daughter and played with the soft brown tendrils of hair falling down her back. "Worried it's all too good to be true?"

"Yes," Victoria admitted, nibbling her bottom lip for a moment. "I still worry it's all an insanely awesome dream. Is that crazy?"

"Not at all," Nikki assured her. "It's okay to be scared – terrified even – after what you've lost but you know what will make it real?"

"What?"

"When you walk down that aisle and see Ryan looking at you with eyes full of love; when you hold his hand and feel his steady grip, you'll know that it's real, true and that it will last. This isn't like before, Victoria, you'll get through the ceremony and the reception and the wedding night, of course, and go on a honeymoon, raise children together, and have a wonderful life – one out of fairytales really. You're going to make it. You two are going the distance – together, like you always should have."

Victoria looked at her mother in the mirror. "You're making me all teary-eyed."

Nikki kissed Victoria's forehead. "It's a bride's prerogative to be a little weepy on her wedding day."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime."

"Are we doing this thing anytime in the next century?" Abby asked, bursting into the room. "As maid of honor, I insist you get down the aisle in the next five minutes!"

"You are a drill sergeant," Victoria said and smiled. She climbed to her feet and hugged her mom and then Abby. "I'm so glad you two are standing up for Ryan and me."

"Of course!" Abby enthused. "I see the way you look at Ryan … It's real and dare I say this – true love."

"Don't be such a romantic cynic," Victoria teased. She then looked between Nikki and Abby. "Let's go."

"Lead the way," Abby said and they bustled out of the room. Victor and Nick were waiting for her in the foyer and Nick whistled when he saw his sister.

"You clean up nice," Nick said and hugged her. "You also look incredibly happy."

"I am," Victoria said. "Very happy."

She looked at her father. "I'm ready. Thanks for agreeing to walk me down the aisle – again."

Victor nodded. "Of course, sweetheart. You know that while I was never a very valiant supporter of Ryan McNeil, I can see that he makes you happy. It's written all over your lovely face."

"It is," Avery agreed, squeezing Nick's hand. They looked at each other and Victoria smiled. Their relationship was new still, but they were going to have an epic love story someday, she thought. Just like Ryan and me.

The wedding party soon assembled and they began their way down the aisle. Nick and Avery went first, followed by Abby and Carmine. Nikki led little Reed down the aisle with the pillow bearing the wedding rings. Little Faith, meanwhile, tossed flower petals from a tiny basket.

Victoria and Victor entered the chapel finally and Victoria's eyes immediately sought out Ryan's. His eyes were dancing with light and love. She offered him a radiant smile and he returned it. Neil was clasping his friend's shoulder, as if to keep Ryan from sprinting down the aisle and carrying Victoria off before the ceremony. She wouldn't have minded it, exactly, because in her mind Ryan was already her husband, but it would be nice to wear a ring with the inscription he had picked out for them _("Forever and always")._

Victor finally led her up to the altar. He kissed her cheek and then brought Ryan and Victoria's hands together. In that moment, feeling Ryan's hands on hers, his warm skin searing her soul, she knew that her mother was right. They were going to make it – they were going to actually thrive, loving each other forever and always.

* * *

**H – Honeymoon**

The wedding was beautiful, the reception amazing, and the honeymoon still better. Tahiti in the fall with the man you loved… Well, Victoria couldn't ask for anything more.

"So what are we doing today?" Victoria asked as she walked up to Ryan and slid her slender arms around his waist.

"Same thing we do every day," Ryan answered, turning in her arms to face her. He kissed her lightly on the lips. "We watch the ocean from the bed. We're making up for lost time, after all."

Victoria nodded. "So we are." He began to nibble on her collarbone and she smiled. "But –"

"But what?"

"But I think we need to venture outside these four walls today."

"Why would we ever want to do a thing like that?"

Victoria grinned. "Because we go home in three days and we've never so much walked on the beach here."

"Who needs to walk?" Ryan quipped. "I'd rather lie down. But you're right. We could walk down the beach, find a secluded area and make love in the sand with the waves crashing all around us."

Victoria tapped his chest. "You're insatiable."

"Alright, if you're not interested…"

"Who said I wasn't?" Victoria said teasingly. "Let's grab a shower and then go exploring."

"Great. Are we –"

"Sharing the shower? Don't we always?" Victoria said with a grin.

"Good point." Ryan picked her up and she laughed as he raced them to the bathroom for another steamy encounter.

* * *

**I – Ill**

On their very last day in Tahiti, they planned to go out on the ocean on a charter boat but it wasn't destined to happen on this trip apparently. Victoria woke up feeling incredibly ill. _Incredibly gross._ She made it to the bathroom in time to upchuck last night's meal of poisson cru. She hugged the toilet bowl, feeling weak.

Ryan must have heard her vomiting because he raced into the bathroom, naked as the day he was born. "Vicki, what's wrong?"He asked.

"I – I –" She broke off as she began to vomit again. Ryan, bless him, held back her hair and didn't even cringe at the bilious odor tingeing the air.

"You going to be okay?" Ryan asked when she had stopped heaving.

"Yes," Victoria said. "But I think I'd better stick close to the hotel today though. You can go on the sailing trip without me if you want."

"No way, Vicki. I'm staying here with you, where I belong."

"You're a good husband."

"Say that again."

"You're a good husband."

"I like the sound of that."

Vicki smiled weakly as Ryan leaned towards her. "Don't kiss me. I just threw up. I might be contagious."

"I don't think you are contagious. I think you just ate something that didn't agree with you."

"Yes, you're probably right," Victoria said as she padded to the sink. She turned on the tap water and began rinsing out her mouth. She stared at herself in the shiny mirror. Despite having just puked her guts out, she didn't look half bad. In fact, she was sort of … glowing…

Her eyes widened. She looked at Ryan's reflection in the mirror. His eyes were wide too, and sparkling. "You see it too," she said.

He nodded and hugged her lightly to him. "Yeah I do. Vic, what if you're pregnant?"

"It's almost too much to hope for," Victoria said. "I've had fertility problems ever since Eve… Jesus. She would have been a teenager by now. Yikes. Time flies."

Ryan tucked Victoria into his body. "I know you miss her."

Victoria nodded. "I really do. Reed was my miracle… What if I'm – what if I'm pregnant, Ryan? What if I'm not?"

"There's only one way to know for sure. I'll can go to the local corner store and pick up a test."

Victoria nodded. "That's a good idea. We need to know; though we've certainly had so much sex that I should be pregnant by now…. I mean, I am surprised I can walk anymore."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Victoria smiled. "Cocky, hmm?"

"You know it."

"Come on." Ryan took her by the hand and helped her into bed. He pulled the covers up to her chin. "I'll be right back."

He started for the door and Victoria coughed pointedly. "Ahem!"

"What?"

"Don't you think you should put on some clothes first?"

Ryan grinned. "I thought I felt a draft … But good point. I don't think the islanders are ready for that."

Victoria just laughed and smacked him on his bare ass.


	3. J to L

_**Thanks for the reviews thus far. Here's more.**_

**J – Joy**

Victoria couldn't contain her excitement, her pure joy, when Ryan picked up the test and said "You're pregnant. Oh and I think I got some of your pee on my hand," he teased. As he scrubbed his fingers under the tap, Victoria bounded over to him and grabbed him around the waist. He grasped her arms, hands still dripping wet, and pulled her tighter to him. They stared in the mirror at each other.

Victoria's eyes were sparkling, as were Ryan's, and they had twin smiles on their faces. "A baby," Ryan said.

"A baby," Victoria whispered.

"I helped parent Philip – I mean Chance, as he goes by now – for a number of years, but this is a bit different because I'll be there from the beginning," Ryan said. "This is pretty much the most amazing gift I've ever received. It's right up there with the day we reunited for good…Thank you, Vicki."

"I hardly did this alone, Ryan."

"Don't I know it? But still, you make my dreams come true every single day that we're together."

"And we'll always be together…"

"Always," Ryan said. He smiled at her in the mirror. "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"As long as they are healthy, I don't really care."

"I feel the same way."

"But I hope he or she has your eyes."

"I hope they have yours."

"I hope he or she has your megawatt smile."

"I hope he or she has –" Ryan broke off, chuckling. "We have to stop this. We sound so hokey."

"I know," Victoria agreed. "Let's just head back to bed."

"Are you feeling up to it?"

"Yes," Victoria said. "The nausea is gone for now. And I'm not contagious apparently. Pregnancy isn't catching."

"Thank god. That would be really hard to explain."

"You're so cheesy."

"Only with you, Victoria," Ryan said as he turned around to capture her full lips in a kiss. "Only with you."

* * *

**K – Katherine**

On the plane ride home, they talked about how they were going to tell their family and friends that they were expecting. They had all kinds of elaborate ideas, but all of their plans floated away when they arrived on Genoa City soil. Nikki, Nick and Chance met them at the air strip and Victoria and Ryan could tell right away that they were in somber moods. Sure they asked all the right questions ("How was your flight?"; "Was the water warm in Tahiti?" "Did you get sunburned on the beach?") but the light of true excitement didn't reach their eyes.

Victoria pulled her mom aside on the way to the limo. "Mom, what's going on? Is everything okay? Is Dad-"

"Your father is fine. He would have been here if he could have been." Victoria doubted that but didn't say so.

"Then what's going on?" Victoria finally asked in exasperation. She felt badly as she saw tears fill her mother's eyes.

"It's Katherine." Victoria knew exactly who Nikki meant. There was only one Katherine in their lives. The Katherine Chancellor.

"Is she ill?"

"No. No, she's … gone."

"Oh no. She passed away?"

Nikki just nodded.

"Oh Mom," Victoria said. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Katherine was your very best friend. I can tell you're devastated." She reached out and hugged her mother. Nikki buried her teary face in Victoria's long brown tresses for a moment.

"I am devastated," Nikki admitted, "though Katherine wouldn't want me to be. She went very peacefully in her sleep; she didn't suffer. Though knowing her, she would have wanted to go out in a much 'bigger' way."

"Like in a car crash or-"

"Probably during sex."

Victoria couldn't help but laugh and Nikki joined in. "I'm sorry," Victoria apologized. "I shouldn't laugh about that."

"Don't be sorry. Katherine wouldn't want you to be. She didn't want people crying over her so I won't shed another tear. I won't. I can't."

"You're only human. You lost your closest confidant… Things won't be the same without her."

"I agree, but we'll find some way to honor her in grand style," Nikki said. She leaned on Victoria lightly as they walked the rest of the way to the limo.

Nick, Chance and Ryan were waiting for them at the curb. Victoria pulled Ryan aside while the bags were being loaded into the trunk by their longtime driver and butler, Miguel.

"Did you hear the sad news?" Victoria asked her husband.

"About Katherine, yes." Ryan sighed. "I really thought she would outlive us all."

"Me too. God me too… Do you think if we have a girl-"

"That we could name her after Katherine?" Ryan finished her sentence. "I was thinking the same thing actually. She's always been one of our biggest cheerleaders."

"Then it's settled," Victoria said and she lightly caressed her still flat stomach before linking her arm through Ryan's and heading to the limo with the others.

* * *

**L - Learn**

"Ryan?" Victoria asked as she crawled into bed with Ryan several nights later.

Ryan put down his book – one about corporate ladder-climbing. He would return to Newman in a few days. She could tell that he was a little nervous about jumping back into the business fray head-first. "Yes?"

"You're going to do great, you know."

"Thanks for saying so but I think I forgot more about this stuff than I realized. Things sure have changed in the working world since I went away." He broke off as he watched her face contort in pain. He immediately grabbed for her hand.

"Talk to me here. What's on your mind?"

"You didn't just 'go away', Ryan, like on a camping trip or something. You were kidnapped. You spent years and years in captivity and I just … I need to know…"

"What?"

"How did you … God, how did you survive it?" Her big blue eyes were murky with tears. "I never asked really because I was afraid to know … I felt ashamed too."

"Why should you feel ashamed, Vicki? You did nothing wrong, babe. Nothing."

"I moved on, Ryan. At least I tried to. I had a life; I made a child that wasn't yours; I got married several times …"

"Are you regretting getting back together? Is that what you're saying? Did my coming back interrupt the life you had? I mean, I ruined your wedding to Billy Abbott-"

"Shh. You did not," Victoria said. "I thought I wanted him. I mean, I did love him but never, ever the way I loved and still love you. I just want to understand… I want to know how you survived it. There were days I didn't think I would survive you being gone but you… You were locked away, almost completely alone. It must have been horrible."

Ryan turned on the bed so his head was resting against his bride's. "It was horrible. I counted the days, the hours, the minutes - hell, the seconds until I could come back to you. Several times, I about gave up. I figured that you'd probably met someone and had babies and built a life that didn't include me. And I was fine with that but I knew I could never give up - at least not until I got to hold you just once more. It was the thought of you that kept me going through the darkest days."

"Ryan… Do you hate me for trying to move on?"

"You heard what I said right? Of course not. You thought I was never coming back. I don't blame you for trying to move forward."

"Do you ever get scared that – that bitch-" she still couldn't say Tricia's name; maybe she never would be able to –"will get out of the loony bin and come after you again?"

"I guess sometimes …Do you?"

A tear slipped down Victoria's cheek. "Yes. I am terrified that she will try something again. I've learned that when you have it all, that's when you stand to lose the most. And I do have everything I want right now. I have you and Reed, and this baby…" She placed her hand over her still impossibly flat belly. "Just tell me; promise me – hell, lie to me if necessary … But tell me that this won't end."

"It won't. We've got forever now, Vick. That's what you are to me – my forever, my endgame, my … whatever you want to call it."

"That's what you are to me too, Ryan… Thank you."

"For what?"

"For loving me better than anyone ever has."

"I will always love you, Mrs. McNeil."

Victoria smiled. "I love when you call me that."

"Hey, I love calling_ you_ that."

"We're turning into old saps."

"I know. We're starting to make people sick."

Victoria laughed. "They all just want what we have... Forever love."

"Forever love… I like the sound of that," Ryan said. He leaned over and kissed her. All too soon, they were cementing their love under the sheets.


	4. M to O

**M – Memorial Service**

"I will not cry; I will not cry," Nikki chanted as Victoria stood up from her seat in the second row.

Victoria squeezed her mother's shoulder reassuringly as she walked by. The air was fresh today, the sun shining bright and clear. It was the perfect day for a picnic, not a memorial service for one of the greatest women Victoria had ever known. But, just like her mother, Vicki was determined not to cry. Katherine had absolutely not wanted that. Today was a celebration of life, of love, and that couldn't be forgotten.

Victoria saw Ryan offer her a bright smile. She returned it as she approached the podium.

"Hello, everyone... friends, family," Victoria greeted the attendees. "I just wanted to take a moment to share a thought and a poem with all of you. It's a poem that gave me some comfort when Ryan –" she looked to her husband –"was … gone. I found it in my journal this morning and knew that our 'Duchess' would appreciate the sentiment."

Victoria, forcing her hands steady, began to read.

"_Death is nothing at all.  
I have only slipped away into the next room.  
I am I, and you are you,  
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.  
Call me by the old familiar name.  
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.  
Put no difference into your tone.  
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.  
Laugh as we always laughed  
At the little jokes that enjoyed together.  
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.  
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.  
Let it be spoken without an effort,  
Without the ghost of a shadow upon it.  
Life means all that it ever meant.  
It is the same as it ever was.  
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.  
What is this death but a negligible accident?  
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?  
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,  
Somewhere very near,  
Just round the corner.  
All is well."_

"That poem is by Henry Holland." Victoria looked up to see some murky eyes but mostly smiling faces. "Katherine will always be with us. Maybe we can't see her, but we can feel her in everything we do, in our hearts. She made such an impact on everyone, including me... So much so that – that Ryan and I have decided if our coming baby is a girl, that we will name her Katherine."

Gasps and smiles circulated throughout the throng of people. "Vick, you're really pregnant?" Her brother Nick piped up.

"Yes. Maybe I shouldn't have announced it here of all places but-"

"It's fine, darling," Victor spoke next. "Katherine would have loved this. It's such an honor."

Victoria smiled and rubbed her still-flat abdomen as congratulations circulated throughout the crowd. "Thank you, everyone."

She placed a white rose underneath the new "Katherine Chancellor Park" plaque. "We love you, Katherine Chancellor," she said softly.

She returned to her seat as next, Paul Williams took the podium. Victoria slid into a chair beside Ryan. He immediately looped his arm around her slender shoulders. "Was it okay that I told everyone our news… I know we wanted to wait a bit," she whispered in his ear.

Ryan nodded, whispering back, "It's fine. In fact it felt right to do that." He squeezed her to him as the memorial continued forward well into the late afternoon.

* * *

**N – Nursery**

It was not even seven a.m. when the doorbell rung the following morning. Victoria looked over at Ryan who was struggling out of bed after a long night of merry-making at Katherine's wake. "Who can that be?" Victoria asked, rubbing her blurry eyes.

"No idea," Ryan said but she thought she saw a quick, mysterious smile dart across his handsome face. He gestured to his bare chest and the boxers that were slung low on his taut hips. "You'd better go check. I'm not decent."

"So I noticed," Victoria said with a grin. "Not that I'm complaining." She shrugged on a robe as the doorbell continued to peal downstairs. "Eager, whoever it is."

She darted out of the room then and headed downstairs. "I'm coming, I'm coming," she called in response to the incessant ringing.

She opened the door and spotted none other than Abby standing there impatiently. She was dressed in a tiny peach skirt and tiny matching top. Behind her, stood Carmine and a bunch of other equally shirtless men wielding tools and rolls of wallpaper, not to mention furniture bits, and nuts and bolts.

Victoria smiled. "Okay, Abby, who are all these-"

"Hunks?"

"Well-" Victoria smiled and nodded. Each man was more gorgeous than the last with glistening, tan, rippling muscles and washboard abs.

"You can drool, Victoria. How could you not? I mean, you're married, not a nun," Abby said. "Now stand back because there's a lot of hardware to bring inside." Abby winked at her as Victoria stepped aside.

"Okay, what's going on here? Seriously?"

"Vicki, I'm building a nursery for the new baby! What else?"

"Wow… We don't know if it's a boy or girl yet though," Victoria said.

"Luckily, I picked out lots of neutral colors. Now come on, boys," Abby said as she led the train of men into the house.

Victoria shrugged. "Alrighty then."

"Congratulations, Victoria," Carmine said as he passed her. "On the baby and all."

"Thank you."

Carmine grinned at Abby. "Which way?"

"Upstairs," Abby said, as if it should be obvious. "Now come on, guys. We're burning daylight here."

They started for the stairs just as Ryan scaled down, fully dressed now. He was smiling even as he looked bewildered. "Abby, this is –"

"Amazing?" Abby said.

"Yeah … though not exactly what I was expecting."

Victoria smiled at him knowingly. "You helped plan this?"

"It may have been my idea," he admitted.

"But I had all the right contacts!" Abby piped up territorially. "And I am going to spoil this little boy or girl rotten. Though I am hoping for a girl. Just because God knows, their clothes are so much cuter!" She and the hunk posse then headed up stairs and Victoria moved to wrap her arms around Ryan's waist.

"Thank you, honey."

"For what? The Chippendales parade?" Ryan asked.

"For all of it," Victoria said.

"Did you think those guys were hot?"

"Do you want the honest answer?"

"I guess."

"Well, they are nice looking but I hardly gave them a second glance. I have the whole package right here in my arms already."

"You better say that," Ryan said with a laugh.

"So do we oversee the building process or should we just let my sister go hog-wild?"

"You can oversee everything with that meticulous eye for detail of yours."

"Hey, are you calling me critical?"

"Would I say that?" He winked at her.

She snuggled into his embrace. "Ryan, I can't wait to have your baby."

"I can't wait either," Ryan agreed.

* * *

**O – Overflowing**

One hand rested on her aching back and the other clutched three overflowing bags of baby-related goodies. Victoria was due to deliver in less than two months and she couldn't pass a store without running inside and buying something for her soon-to-arrive little girl. She hadn't meant to go overboard shopping today but the new Forrester baby fashions she had spotted in the window of Fenmore's had tempted her too much. And then of course, she had to buy shoes, booties, blankets and more to match the clothes. She smiled at the thought. She was so happy these days. Sometimes she wondered if she even deserved to be this happy.

Hands full as they were though, trying to open the door of Crimson Lights suddenly seemed like an impossible task. However, she needed her daily dose of hot chocolate and marshmallows or the baby would revolt. She wrestled with the bags but was saved from the hassle when she heard a husky voice say, "Let me help you with those."

She turned around to see none other than Billy Abbott standing there. "Victoria, hey," he said. He reached for the door handle as his eyes moved from her face down to her full belly. His crystal-blue eyes went wide. "Wow," was all he could say. No quips, no jokes. But he did offer her a smile.

"Yeah," Victoria said, a little sheepishly.

"So it happened, huh? You're having another baby."

"Yes," she said. "Either that or I swallowed a watermelon. I'm so huge."

Billy waved the thought aside. "Nah, you look really great."

"T-thanks," Victoria said. "When did you get back to town? Last I heard you were in Shanghai on business for Jabot or something."

"I was," Billy said as he opened the door for her and they walked over the threshold side by side. "But I missed Dee so much. Plus, I wanted to introduce her to Allie."

"Allie?" Victoria echoed. "Either that is a new girlfriend or a new kitten."

"The former," Billy said with a laugh. "And she's great. I think I'm really falling for her."

"I'm so glad to hear that you found someone else. I was worried after what happened with Ryan-"

"That I wouldn't be able to move forward?" Billy smiled.

"I didn't mean-"

"Hey, it's okay. I didn't think I would be able to move on, but I am doing so, a little more each day. Allie is helping, distance helped… Most of all, seeing you this happy lets me know that you made the right decision."

"You really mean that?"

"Absolutely," Billy said. "I'm really happy that you're happy."

"Thank you, Billy. Thank you so much." Victoria offered him a brief hug and smiled against his shoulder. Her romantic feelings for him had dissipated by now, but she liked to think, that they could still be close in a different way. He had saved her at a really dark time in her life and she would always appreciate that.

A part of her had felt guilty for leaving Billy behind and now she knew, looking into his eyes, that he was going to be okay. That things had worked out just the way they were meant to.


	5. P

**P – Pregnancy**

Victoria was enjoying her pregnancy immensely. The morning sickness had long since subsided, the nursery was all stocked and ready to go, thanks to Abby and her parade of hunks, and Ryan read to the baby every night with his hand on her protruding belly. She was due to deliver in less than a month and felt better than ever.

The only problem was that her cravings were getting odder and odder and Ryan was no longer surprised when she woke him up in the middle of the night asking him to run to the corner store for sweet pickles and ice cream or sardines and sticky taffy. Her days of being satisfied with hot chocolate and marshmallows were past. This baby was hungry and Victoria was ten pounds larger than she should be because of it.

That night, she dreamt about sitting at a huge table heaped with food as far as the eye could see. In her dream she filled her plate to overflowing but gravitated continually to the cheese platter. She woke up with the taste of salty cheese on her lips and immediately rolled over, tapping Ryan's shoulder. He slept in his tee-shirt and shorts now because he was used to these late night runs by now … _almost._

He rubbed his eyes in the darkness. "Vick, what is it this time?"

"I am craving a huge, medium-rare hamburger heaped with Swiss cheese and French fries."

"French fries, hamburger, Swiss cheese. Got it."

"Oh and a mint-Oreo chocolate shake to go with it."

"Alrighty then."

"Oh and the fries should go right in the middle of the burger… God I'm so gluttonous! What is Katherine Junior doing to me?"

"Keeping us up at night," Ryan grumbled but she knew that he wasn't really mad.

He sat up and started searching for his tennis shoes underneath the four-poster bed.

"Thanks, Ryan. I don't know how you can love a needy whale but somehow you do."

"You're not needy and you're not a whale. I am happy to do this kind of stuff for you."

Victoria smiled. "I know because you're amazing that way. But once this baby comes, I am going on a strict diet. No one will take a fat business executive seriously."

"You're going back to work?"

Victoria realized that they hadn't really talked about this. "Yeah, I just thought …" Her voice trailed off for a moment. "I know you probably want me to stay home with the kids but –"

"But you don't feel quite complete without your work. I get it and I'm fine with it."

"We need to talk about getting a nanny then."

"Yes, but not at three a.m. in the morning. I am going to go find your food and then I'm crashing for the next few weeks."

"Am I making you that tired?"

"No… Truth is, I am not sleeping that well myself."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm worried."

"About what? Dr. Winters said that everything is completely normal with the pregnancy, that despite the weight I've gained-"

"It's not any of that. I am having … nightmares. A lot of them. I know that it's dumb to be so affected by them but-"

"What are you dreaming about anyway?" She reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Level with me here, Ryan."

"I keep having this recurring nightmare where Tricia has broken out of the nut house and has kidnapped you and our daughter. She plans to kill you and take the baby where she could never be found."

"Oh god, Ryan, I had no idea you were dreaming that kind of stuff!"

"It's dumb. I know we're safe. That I would never let anything happen to you or our baby but-"

Victoria sighed softly. She hadn't realized until that moment that Ryan might be as affected - if not more so - than she was about what Tricia and her father had done. Ryan had been locked away from human contact for years. Of course, he would feel upset. How could she have failed to see that? Was she blind or just incredibly selfish?

"Ryan, it's not dumb. I should have figured this out a long time ago. I'm the idiot."

"You are not, Vicki. You never have been."

"I've been so focused on everything that I never really stopped to ask you what happened. I think I was afraid to know but we can talk now, can't we?"

"You're hungry."

"Making you feel better trumps gorging on fattening hamburgers and fries any day."

He shrugged. "It's okay, really. I need to go out and clear my head anyway. Just lock up after me okay? Put on the alarm. Don't answer the door for anyone."

Victoria rested her face in the cradle of his neck. "Okay but are you going to be alright? Really?"

"I will be," Ryan said. "It's silly and I'm sure these dreams will stop any time now."

Victoria watched him move for the door. "I love you, Ryan McNeil," she called after him. He had to know that he was the one; that he was her soulmate and no one would ever compare. "You're the only one for me. Come back to me."

He nodded. "I love you too and I'll always come back to you. I promise you that."

Then he was gone and tears filled Victoria's eyes. She knew then that Ryan needed help but she wasn't sure how to get him the help he needed, or if he would, proud and stubborn man that he was, accept it.

**A/N: I hope that was okay. I am determined to finish this before year's end!**


	6. Q

**Q – Quacks**

Somehow Ryan had known that this would happen. It was the very thing he had most feared and dreaded most in the world and no matter who had tried to assure him that it could never happen, deep down, he'd known the truth the whole time.

Tricia was coming. She was coming for her revenge.

Of that he was sure.

They were in the middle of a co-ed baby shower when the call came in. Ryan went to the kitchen to take the call, not wanting to interrupt present time. When Victoria found him ten minutes later, the cordless phone was clenched between white knuckled fingers, and he was listing against the counter behind him. He was ashen-faced and he wore an expression Victoria was sure that she had never seen on him before.

"What's wrong?" She immediately asked, hurrying over to him as fast as her heavy, pregnant body would allow her to. _"Ryan?"_ She grabbed for his hands, prying loose the mobile and setting it near the sink. "You look like you've seen a ghost or something -" And that's when she understood.

"_Tricia? _No! No, no, no, NOOOOO!" She screamed and this time he did react, pulling her tightly to him, almost crushing her with his larger body. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over. "She escaped," Victoria cried, clutching her belly protectively between them.

"Worse," Ryan finally spoke in a shaky voice. Looking up, she saw tears in his own eyes. "She was officially discharged from the state hospital. As of noon this afternoon, Tricia is walking the streets as a free woman."

"What?" Victoria said. "Who would – why -?"

"I don't know, Vicki. Some quack doctors put their pathetic heads together and decided that she was well and they – they let her go."

"Why weren't we told before? We could have appealed this. We could have tried to fight this," Victoria cried.

By now, her loud sobs had brought all of the guests running to the kitchen, crowding in one by one. Victoria hid her face in the collar of Ryan's chambray shirt as if ashamed of her own emotions. Ryan tried to calmly explain what was happening but his voice wavered and he looked ready to vomit.

Their worst nightmare was being realized.

Victor immediately got on the phone and began barking orders and making threats, while everyone else fussed over them, assuring them Tricia could never hurt them again. But neither believed it; how could they? They knew what Tricia was capable of, far better than anyone else.

If Tricia wanted to get to them, she would find a way.

However, standing there, Ryan quietly vowed to himself that when Tricia came for them, this time he would be prepared.

**A/N: I hope that was okay. My writing skills feel rusty!**


End file.
